10 Things I Don’t Want For Christmas

I like spelling things out around the holidays.  Can’t have someone laying offerings at my feet with misinformation;)

1. Spa visit. Seems like a sweet surprise, but save your duckets.  I don’t want you guessing at my favorite personals. I have people all over the map.. nails, waxing, facials.. and none of them connect.

2. Restaurant gift certificate. just make the darn reservation and slice out a piece of time for dinner.

3. A blender.  Seriously, listen. I love to cook but there are rules about housewares.  Family and best friend, maybe.. actually sure, I trust your motives!  Facebook ‘friend’.. er, no. and you shouldn’t be shopping for me, regardless;)  Otherwise, do not give food prep items to people who occasionally prep your food.  Goes 1000x over for cleaning supplies.  I will cut you if I’m forced to unwrap a Hoover.

whew, baggage. moving on..

4. Shoes. obvious, but let’s put it in writing.

5. Kinect. ok fine, I have one, so it doesn’t count. But ugh, frustrating enough to make the list.  It’s mostly just the unmet desire to lord over Netflix.  Only so many ways you can say “XBox, Pause!.. um, pause??   XBOX PAU.. ack! not rewin.. no wait. er, stop?  XBOXSTOPP!!”  AND I’m way disturbed by the mini, heat-vision view of me on the couch with my martini, waiting for the next ep of House to just PLAY already! sigh.

6. A baby anything. person, cat, etc. Do not bring me tiny bodies to maintain. The cuter it is, the less likely it can clean its own bum.

7. Clothing in any size larger than small. The pain of exchange is so worth playing Pretend I’m Skinny.

8. A vest. also obvious.

9. Cash. Santa is not the Tooth Fairy.

and lastly..

10. Pants!!;) tho if you do, make them a size OO!


4 Comments to “10 Things I Don’t Want For Christmas”

  1. Your list made me spill my coffee I was laughing and it turned into testifying!
    I especially agree with nr.6, however I only got an Xbox last month, so I would love it if someone wrapped up the Kinect for me!

  2. heh. well I hope you get one! it’s actually pretty fun.. er, but you can’t talk with your hands while watching a show, else it keeps making fairy noises and waving back at you.

    I heart your profile pic, btw! lovely:)

  3. Lisa linked to this through her Facebook, and I can safely admit that I giggled. But don’t worry, it was such a manly giggle, like… like… a deep battle cry that had been squeezed into the higher registers by clenching my butt cheeks together.

    If I were less of a man, I’d be embarrassed that I typed this. But if I were less of a man, I would have never giggled in the first place.

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