Right, so living in the city, you grow accustom to not seeing people. You just can’t engage after awhile. shapes blur into a torrent of glances and worn shoes. But occasionally, I find myself at a stoplight with just enough free time to take in Geary Blvd. AND whoa. For whatever reason, the morning hours seem to bring a new level of awe to the streets of SF. enough spectacle to rival the 3AM Tenderloin crowd.
Do not misunderstand tho, it’s not face tattoos or ear-elfing what boggles.
it’s the pants.
On any given weekday morning, I challenge you to cruise the Richmond ave’s without your head-voice screaming “WE CAN SEE YOU” at least once along the way. I’ll outline a few e.g.’s…
PJ Party – these folks like their coffee and they’re not about to let a thing like shame stop them from stumbling outta their flat and into the nearest Starbucks’ line. rilly, we don’t appreciate the lounge pants with tiny pink martinis all over ’em like you might expect (claps for the flip-flops tho.. ugg slippers are irredeemable).
Non Jogger – I can guess, by your widest point, you do not sweat in that track suit.. cept maybe if the escalators to Ross are busted. But I do marvel at how you’ve added large jewelry to the mix. complicates my leap to assume you’ve completely given up. I like people who keep me thinkin.
Elastigirl – provokes both sympathy and outrage. Thing is, I know you’re tired, lady. Your energy-sucking offspring likely woke you no less than 8x last night, and naturally, the pending Safeway list doesn’t inspire. But Holy Lycra, Helen! cmon. Just because you don’t WANT to be seen doesn’t mean we can’t see you. We can see everything, in fact. against our strongest efforts to unsee it. So, if there’s but one thing you might consider.. pleeease, please buy a thong. please. It takes the same amount of time to pull on. I’ll gladly forgive the rest. er, except the gold heels. never.
So when you get up tomorrow and need to run a quick errand, take a min to consider how your wardrobe choices might provoke your snarky neighbor into fits of fashion flogging. er, then enjoy those warm PJs while I shiver on my high horse.
Alright, I feel cleansed. thank you.